You Became a Social Coward by Accident
del.icio.us This Pageby
Mike Pillinski
Author, High Status Male
I'll bet the following statement is true for any guy reading this
who doesn't do so well with the ladies: You don't really understand
what it is you're doing WRONG that makes you so unattractive to
women... for the exact same reason that "Casanova" who
scores left and right with them doesn't understand what he's
doing RIGHT.
Huh? Read that again if you have to. Both
you and
Casanova are essentially clueless as to why you ended up the
way that you are in terms of your skill levels (or lack there of)
when it comes to charming and seducing women. Of course,
Mr. Casanova is happy with his situation. But you
certainly are not!
I believe that both sets of these behavior
patterns and attitudes, which lie
at opposite ends of the personality spectrum, are the result of accidents that
occurred when both you and Caz were just beginning to notice girls sexually
at a young age -- sheer random events which involved
elements of good or bad luck -- and nothing more.
It went like this: YOUR first trial and error experiences
occurred with a girl that simply didn't like you (probably
due to personal issues of attraction and anxiety that had nothing to do with you, but
this doesn't matter). Thus you ended up with a
negative
reinforcement of your earliest efforts at seduction and socialization.
This awkward and possibly shameful first try at romance
robbed you of the critical early confidence that you needed to keep on
experimenting and practicing your skills. It kicked off a descending spiral of inaccurate behaviors
which then led to more and
more failures with women as time passed, further stunting your
social development.
More failure resulted in a complete loss of confidence,
a
growing social ineptitude and ultimate withdrawal from the game of
flirting and attempting to game women. Your behavioral
changes might've further progressed to episodes of delusional
thinking, dark fantasies, plus drug and alcohol use etc. In other words, your
character
changed to make it even less likely that you could successfully interact
with women, and voila'... a "nerd" was born!
Casanova, on the other hand -- due to simple GOOD fortune
and nothing else -- may've tried the exact same moves during
his adolescence just as you did, but HE happened to choose a
girl that LIKED him, and therefore responded to his fumbling first
efforts favorably. Get the picture?... a positive reaction to the
exact same inept moves that you made! Merely because of
random good luck, Caz happened to choose to work a girl who
responded to him in an emotionally reinforcing way.
This "big break" (that you didn't get) gave Casanova
confidence AND positive social feedback -- which further
provided a laboratory to fine-tune his social behaviors. Maybe he grew up in an environment that supported or
even encouraged
those initial experimental behaviors -- a supportive older
sister or a female friend that he could talk to in confidence
whenever he needed advice perhaps? Someone to make the female
psyche seem less mysterious and intimidating to him? You, on the
other hand, may've grown up in an all-male environment where
women seemed remote and unfathomable. Possibly your every
move in this arena was met with scorn or ridicule whenever you
actually tried to act, making you even more gun shy after a few failed
tries to get it right.
You learned to associate fear and paralysis with the idea of
courting a woman!
Anyway, here's my point: Your downward turn could've just
as easily have been an upward turn had your luck been good
instead of bad with those first early experiences. I believe that this
element of LUCK is more pivotal in our lives that most of us
realize. The timing of the luck is critical as well: it sets the stage for
the interplay of key events upon which your self-image is
manufactured in fits and starts. You see, there is really no
fundamental difference between the Social Casanova and the Social Coward. Both
individuals are simply the end result of being turned out in opposite directions at a critical point in their lives.
Stated another way, your current status as a social coward is
all "nurture" (or in your case, lack of it...) and NOT "nature". You
see... you are
no more genetically programmed to fail socially than the
Casanova is to succeed... both of you simply learned how
to win or lose with women as you traveled along divergent social-life paths.
Think about this... What if that first nervous reach for affection
had gone differently for you? What if that first girl you ever asked out
had said yes and became your "girlfriend" instead of laughing in
your face and running off to tell her friends what a loser you
were? Imagine how your social skills and confidence would've
improved over the subsequent months and years if that time had
been spent in social interaction (good, bad or ugly) with women
instead of social isolation? It would've given you a whole
different concept of yourself and made you an entirely different
person than you are today.
And to think that it all turned on that one, damned
UN-lucky
first break!
Well, it's time to stop allowing this
continuing effect of random chance to direct
your destiny any longer. Time to make a course correction back into the
world of the living (and the socializing!). There are resources
available on this site to
make it easier than you might think -- but it all begins with a
decision by you right now to refuse to let the faded echo of a
long-gone series of negative events to
continue to shape your life. Until you make that decision,
nothing will ever really change for you. That's where it all has
to begin... with a decision FOR yourself, rather than against you.
Mike Pillinski
High Status Male
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About the author:
Reformed "social nerd" Mike Pilinski overcame an incredible case of rejection phobia by learning how to mimic behaviors and attitudes that women universally find attractive in so-called high status or "alpha" males. Visit Mike's website High Status Male where you'll find his highly acclaimed e-books "Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Seduction System" and "She's Yours For The Taking: A Man's Guide to the Seduction and Enchantment of Women".