The Correct Way to Wear the Nice Guy Persona
del.icio.us This Pageby
Mike Pillinski
Author, High Status Male
I'm sure you're familiar with the
infuriating mantra about nice guys that you've heard repeated
time and again from all sorts of women on these stupid afternoon gab
shows: "...But Opal (name of god-like TV talk show host changed to
protect my innocent bank account), there's no one out there for me to
date -- all the guys are such jerks and losers. I just want to meet a,
a... nice guy..." Waahhh!
Well, if you consider yourself to be one of these "nice guys" whom these
women all claim to be searching for, but you still find yourself
striking out with everything other than the very bottom of the food
chain, then you must surely know what an enormous load of BS this is.
So why do women keep it up with all this mythical nice guy stuff?
As usual they are speaking in their own little code, which of course
women are famous for doing in order to keep men thoroughly confused I
guess.
The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and
accommodating around women is that it communicates the absolute worse
possible kind of subliminal message to them about your male status,
namely... that's it's way down in the dumps somewhere. This
is because nice guy behavior is NOT something that women see men as
suddenly "switching on" in their presence in some sort of well-meaning
but fumbled attempt to impress them. Not at all.
Instead, they believe all this nice and sweet behavior is something that
you've been trained to exhibit by the other, vastly more
powerful men in your world. In other words, 'nice guy' is
how subservient men have learned to act in the presence of stronger men
in order to protect themselves. ("I am no threat to your status as the
more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your harmless,
lovable side-kick..." etc.).
To females then, over-the-top niceness is little more than a red
flashing signal of Low Male Status, and therefore... an enormous
TURN-OFF to them!
It is very difficult for most women to develop any sort of sexual mojo
for a squishy nice guy. Nature has hardwired the female
brain to seek out the most powerful male in order to produce the
strongest offspring with the best chance for survival. It's
the same reason why men have been hardwired to chase after women who
display physical signs of youthfulness, which of course indicates
reproductive vitality, and ignore old women. And while male
and female actions may be different, their GOALS remain the same --
strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. "Maleness" and
"femaleness" therefore can actually be thought of as two opposite but
complimentary strategies for reproduction.
In the service of these independent tactical requirements, men and women
are powerfully compelled to behave in different manners in order to
execute these dissimilar strategies upon one another. The dance of
mating and seduction in all creatures is linked inseparably to this
biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the face
of millions of years of evolution... or perhaps its design, who knows?
Learn to play by it's rules however, and you will get your share of
mating action!
So to help you out with this very subtle part of the game, here's my
#1 "Nice Guy Rule" for you right now...
While you never want to actually ACT like a fawning nice guy around
women... somehow, you always want to SEEM like one. Can you get a
sense of what I'm trying to convey here? The problem with
being nice is trying to be nice in a painfully obvious way
rather than just letting it sort of happen. It just absolutely
kills your mojo to come across as too enthusiastic a nice guy. You
only need to drop a few hints here and there using your behavior and
attitude that you could be one without making too big a deal
about it.
See, when women imagine nice guys I think what they're really dreaming
about is a man who makes them feel SAFE -- but in a very special sort of
way that preserves his sexual attractiveness to them.
Actually, this is not all that mysterious when you think about it from
the female perspective. To a woman, a safe guy only
means that you're (probably) physically harmless to her. In
terms of what you could do to mash up her emotions, well...that's a
completely different story. This blend of hot n' cold,
exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is what most women are searching
for in their relationships with men, at least initially.
So when you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you need to
establish a few non-verbal lines of communication with her in a way that
tends to provoke these first instinctual sorts of connecting-mating
thoughts in her subconscious mind. To a lot of women this
potential conflict -- this suggestion of sexual tension looming out
there on the horizon -- is the very definition of "chemistry"!
Nice trick you say? Actually it's not horribly difficult to
communicate non-verbally. Two ways in which you can smoothly
transmit your possible desire are through extended eye contact -- and
with the use of brief, non-offensive touches strategically placed here
and there. Both casual when done correctly, but unmistakable
in their genuine pre-romantic meaning to her!
This is how you can come across with the "class of a nice guy"
without having to wear the low status stain along with it.
You can further advance your classy nice guy status by... 1) slipping in
suggestions of having strong family-friends relationships -- a sign to
women that you're "connected and normal", or 2) that you have something
EXCITING going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or perhaps
some recent travel adventure of some kind, etc. This makes
you seem adventuresome, involved, connected... hey, a really "nice"
catch!
Add to this some of that deep eye contact to silently communicate a
more-than-just-friendly interest in her, and now you've created enough
of an edge to get her heart racing! At the very least, this
type of behavior will keep you out of the deadly "friends zone" by
showing the courage to make your desire apparent to her in a way that
cannot be confused with the work of the desperate loser.
As an example, I used to work for a photography company. Maybe
half a dozen to 20 times a year, I got to fly around in light planes
shooting aerial pictures around the Western New York area.
Now sometimes when I'm chatting up a girl, I'll work in a quick little
anecdote drawn from one of my old flying jobs... like how the snowpack
collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully colored cracks in the
greenish ice sheets during the height of mid-winter, or something
semi-poetic like that. But then I make nothing more of it --
all done very nonchalantly. Nor do I fully explain how I
came into the position of flying around making such observations in the
first place. What am I involved in that would give me an
opportunity to view this sort of natural wonder?
I allow little anecdotes about myself like this to ride as a tease for
as long as I can without getting stupid about it. Sounds
silly I know, but this type of deliberate manipulation of how you
present yourself can create just a teeny bit of mystery. Remember,
your flirt is always a gift to her -- and most every woman is fascinated
by a man with an interesting approach. Curiosity can
often capture a woman's attention just long enough for you to make a
positive first impression. In a similar manner, you can drop
hints about your educational status, finances, artistic talent or
whatever you want to put over about yourself without bragging about it
like a complete goofball.
Instead, you've presented yourself as a rare encounter in a universe of
men that usually breaks down into sexless, boring nice guys or
ultimately worthless (but alas, exciting!...) jerks. No
matter what other flaws you might imagine yourself to have, you can
become provocative to her in a way that at the very least she can't
categorize as being "wimpy nice".
And as added frosting on the cake, coming across as an edgy sort of nice
guy will open up a vast new playing field of opportunities for you
because you've suddenly become attractive to a smarter, more
self-respecting class of women who won't settle for jerks -- but are
simply turned off by the squishy-boring variety of nice guy.
Which means that you can begin to operate with the certain, sexy
confidence of the High Status Male!
Mike Pillinski
High Status Male
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About the author:
Reformed "social nerd" Mike Pilinski overcame an incredible case of rejection phobia by learning how to mimic behaviors and attitudes that women universally find attractive in so-called high status or "alpha" males. Visit Mike's website High Status Male where you'll find his highly acclaimed e-books "Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Seduction System" and "She's Yours For The Taking: A Man's Guide to the Seduction and Enchantment of Women".