Art of Seduction

Beaten Man Syndrome

By Joseph Matthews
Author, Art of Approaching

Question From A Reader:

Hi Joseph,

My name is Dave, I live in Australia. This is about your E-Mail about the beaten man. I don't consider myself a beaten man but some of us out here in the real world have an aversion to pain, you know the "getting your guts kicked in" type of pain?

I have tried some of your techniques and still had no success, just more kicks in the guts for my troubles, and I don't know about you but I have a pain thresh-hold and have reached it, getting rejected or laughed at by women is painful no matter what you tell yourself when you get to your pain limit. What are you supposed to do when this happens? You can say what you like about calling it a setback but when you get to the stage that you start avoiding women because you don't want to be laughed at or rejected it is not a setback, it is a confidence killer.

No amount of self reinforcement helps when you get to this point, one more rejection or one more woman laughing at you is too much to take. The only even partial success I have had was with a married woman and I didn't know she was married until near the end of our chat, this made things worse not better, unlike most men you target with your advice, I have morals.

I won't try to chat up a married woman, if she wants to start a relationship with me she has to end her existing relationship beforehand, this woman was looking for that little bit extra on the side and seemed quite upset when I told her "Thanks But No-Thanks." My theory is that if she would cheat on her husband then she would cheat on me, even if she got divorced to be with me, what do you think?. Solve this in the real world not in fantasy land.

Dave

My Response:

First off, Dave, all my advice is based on the "real world." Judging from your writing, it's YOU who lives in a fantasy land. You live in a fantasy land where no girls like you, where they will ALL reject you and laugh at you. This is a magical place where you can't get a date and are destined to die alone, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a LIAR.

It's a mystical, magical world you've created in your head because you want to feel sorry for yourself and don't want to do the hard work (yes, that's right, HARD WORK) to get what you want. You'd rather just be lazy and feel sorry for yourself.

This is something all "beaten men" have in common. They're called "beaten" for a reason. They've given up hope. They look at their lives as a lost cause, and resign themselves to "cursing the world" and the all women as hating them so they can feel justified in their hopeless beliefs.

You believe this, and yet you have gone to great lengths to contradict yourself in your own email. You claim that no women like you and they all laugh at you and reject you. Yet, there's this woman, who happens to be married, who expressed ATTRACTION for you! Now, obviously you have a standard that you abide by where you don't go after women who are married, which is fine. I have the same standard, but I can't expect everyone to live by it. Each man must have his own rules that he feels comfortable with.

But instead of looking at this as a positive thing -- that being a woman was attracted to you and liked you and actually WANTED to be with you -- you saw it as a negative -- She's married, so I'm just wasting my time! Shame, shame, shame on you.

No one knows better than me how hard it can be when you're trying to go from "beaten man" to "best man." I worked very hard at this myself when the first inklings of "Art Of Approaching" were being developed from me going out 5 nights a week to try and break this fear of meeting women that I had.

I was so obsessed with getting good at meeting women, I would show up for my job the next day half-asleep because I was out late the night before. I almost got fired numerous times! I was getting physically ill from the lack of sleep, and when I first started, I was getting rejected left and right. But I kept at it, figured a few things out, and before long, it became easy! And I suddenly didn't have to go out 5 nights a week, I could go out just when I wanted and have fun!

If I had believed as you do, this story would not have a happy ending, and I probably wouldn't even be responding to your email, because I'd just be some other guy who couldn't talk to women. So coming from someone who's overcome this obstacle in the REAL WORLD, and not your depressing, negative fantasy land of evil women who hate you, listen to me when I say this...

IF YOU FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVES, YOUR VIEWS WILL BE NEGATIVE. IF YOU FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, YOUR VIEWS WILL BE POSITIVE. This is something ALL men who are suffering from "beaten man" syndrome should take to heard. You should memorize those two sentences and make them your mantra.

Your beliefs shape how you see the world. And how you see the world shapes your beliefs. If you walk up to a woman, and say "Hi, let me buy you a drink." And she responds: "Um, you should leave now," and then turns her back to you (which actually did happen to me once when I first started out, but that's another newsletter, lol), you have two ways of viewing that interaction.

The first way is "Oh God! I'm ugly and no girls like me! That rejection hurt so bad! Everyone saw that! I'm a loser! I can't talk to any other girl in this place now! Waaaaaaaaaaah!" The other way is "Wow, that didn't work out so well. Why is that? Maybe every guy in this place has used that same line on her and she's sick of it? I wonder what would happen if I used a different line?"

Do you see the difference?

In one example, I automatically reverted to despair, pain, rejection, negativity. I heaped blame on myself for failing. In the other example, I was still hurt, but I looked at the situation as a learning experience where I figured out what I might have done wrong and came up with a solution.

There is a WORLD of difference between these two points of view. You, dear Dave, and every beaten man like you, has trained himself to look at things in terms of your own failures. You selfishly indulge in your own feelings of loss and inadequacy. This is what continues to beat you down.

The guys who are successful with women learn from these experiences. They start to spot specific traits in women that they know they're good at attracting. They figure out what works and what doesn't, and only do the stuff that works. They enjoy the success of their hard work, and they revel in the good feelings they have while dismissing the bad ones.

Which sounds more appealing to you? Getting rejected by women can be a confidence killer and can be painful IF YOU LET IT. You have to learn to adapt and do what works instead of focusing on your pain.

You say you've done "some of my techniques" to no success. Have you bothered to buy my book? Have you read it cover to cover? Did you do the Bootcamp, which is specifically DESIGNED to help you improve WITHOUT all the pain of rejection? Have you done the confidence building exercises I give you? Have you learned to read a woman's body language to recognize who's open to being approached so you can minimize your "crash and burn?"

Have you bothered to do ANY of this work? I'm willing to bet you haven't. Because if you had, your email would have been a success story rather than a whine-fest. It always amazes me when I see guys who say "There was this one girl who was really into me, but X was wrong with her, so I didn't go forward, and no other women like me."

Let me tell you, if one woman likes you, there are others out there who do as well. You just have to find them, and do the work it takes to be prepared for meeting them. Now, I know this email sounds harsh, but I'm trying to get through to you and every other guy out there like you what it is you're doing wrong that you need to fix, and sometimes that requires tough love.

But I'm not just going to spew tough love. I'm going to actually give you some tools to help you overcome this rough patch in your road to success with women (note that I haven't given up on you, though you may have!). For weeks now, I have been furiously working on not just one, or two, but SIX new ebooks designed to help guys like you learn what they need to radically change your views on how to meet women.

This is some awesome stuff. I've ravaged my own personal journals and notes to give you the best information I have to help you out. I call it my "Deluxe Meet Women Package."

If you're stuck, and you need that extra push to help you out and go from "beaten man" to "ladies man," then this special Package is for you.

And for those of you who just want to get the basic, bare-bone fundamentals of what it takes to meet massive amounts of women with no fear of rejection, then you owe it to yourself to check out my original ebook, The Art Of Approaching.

So here's your chance to leave your fantasy land of rejection and despair, and enter the real world of real possibilities.

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews
Art of Approaching